I didn't know that being a boarding academy teacher would teach me so much about parenting, about God, and about being someone's child. I was prepared to teach, to guide, to mentor, and to help my students. But man. I was completely surprised by this love business. Coming from one who does not like surprises, however, this one isn't too bad.
I'm surprised that I am so moved at seeing my seniors graduate. I'm wondering how my parents felt when I graduated from High School. Did they cry? It was the happiest day of my life until that point, and I was so excited to go out and conquer the world. Did it hurt them that I didn't want to look back? That my gratitude was sparse? That I didn't think that they needed to hear how much I loved and appreciated them? Maybe I didn't know how much I loved and appreciated them then.
One senior cried during his parent recognition speech. In hindsight, I wish I could've been that daughter who gave her parents the gift of tears. I don't cry very often, but there are times when tears are so appropriate. We also didn't have a parent tribute in public high school, but that's beside the point.
I'm surprised how much I actually loved these students. Somehow they became like my own children, and I've cried over them and prayed for them more earnestly than I've ever done in my life. I knew my capacity for love was large, but I am alarmed to see its boundaries stretched to these lengths.
I'm surprised at how much God is teaching me about Himself. This is my favorite part of teaching: God has always revealed Himself to me in the most powerful ways through this avenue. He is teaching me about His unconditional love for me, about trust, and love, and devotion, and constancy. I realize that He gets the least credit while He does the most in our lives. And what are we without Him, really?
I confess that I have already wept over these guys. (In private, of course.)
I confess that I am too exhausted to monitor what is coming out through my keyboard. I need to sleep.
I confess that I really. really. really. love these guys.
I confess that it is both a joy and a sorrow to see them turn away... more a joy. But an empty sorrow.
The juniors sing this song as the seniors leave Class Night (phase 4 of 5 in the countdown to Commencement):
Farewell to you, God bless you too,
We'll miss you as you leave your alma mater,
...and I forgot the rest.
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